Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The struggles of a small town man whore
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
