I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
