You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
