I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
