Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
