Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My bed smells like the plague
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
