I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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