we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
