I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just want to make out with him forever
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
