If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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