Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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  (908): i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits" http://tfl.nu/grvc
  Replies (45) Good night (3887) Bad night (1033)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet

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  (214): someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet http://tfl.nu/kl5a
  Replies (23) Good night (3637) Bad night (560)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

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  (217): you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012 http://tfl.nu/jiqa
  Replies (20) Good night (6122) Bad night (1007)
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  (714): View more from California

  She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

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  (714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep. http://tfl.nu/k8wl
  Replies (17) Good night (6662) Bad night (2099)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question

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  (978): Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question http://tfl.nu/aezp
  Replies (6) Good night (3149) Bad night (793)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.

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  (519): I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it. http://tfl.nu/dyf5
  Replies (8) Good night (2883) Bad night (886)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!

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  (910): Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/gina
  Replies (13) Good night (1243) Bad night (6567)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.

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  (812): I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice. http://tfl.nu/sig2
  Replies (5) Good night (2483) Bad night (1159)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.

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  (608): Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer. http://tfl.nu/9xrq
  Replies (2) Good night (1296) Bad night (609)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."

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  (270): how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards." http://tfl.nu/tgkg
  Replies (6) Good night (1742) Bad night (547)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I THINK I SHARTED

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  (910): HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!! (910): I THINK I SHARTED http://tfl.nu/jtux
  Replies (9) Good night (591) Bad night (1293)
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  (646): View more from New York

  People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.

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  (646): People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home. http://tfl.nu/e0ck
  Replies (8) Good night (1248) Bad night (402)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.

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  (630): I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME. http://tfl.nu/7nql
  Replies (11) Good night (1461) Bad night (487)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.

  (254): View more from Texas

  That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka

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  (512): Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art. (254): That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka http://tfl.nu/nocy
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (265)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits

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  (250): you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits http://tfl.nu/x1wq
  Replies (3) Good night (438) Bad night (202)

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