Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.

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  (720): He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible. http://tfl.nu/qdhh
  Replies (9) Good night (584) Bad night (3426) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.

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  (913): Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns. http://tfl.nu/zzio
  Replies (33) Good night (1101) Bad night (3169) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

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  (951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx
  Replies (14) Good night (5902) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?

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  (506): He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up? http://tfl.nu/8v8k
  Replies (20) Good night (778) Bad night (6033) Order T-Shirt
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  (442): View more from California

  her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.

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  (442): her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite. http://tfl.nu/rdq2
  Replies (12) Good night (3388) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.

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  (613): Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day. http://tfl.nu/hbn0
  Replies (4) Good night (2095) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny

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  (860): Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny http://tfl.nu/2672
  Replies (9) Good night (1882) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  please bring me a paper towel asap.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.

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  (540): please bring me a paper towel asap. (540): I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do. http://tfl.nu/d1je
  Replies (10) Good night (3548) Bad night (532)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.

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  (267): i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/qc92
  Replies (9) Good night (1633) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.

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  (904): Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple. http://tfl.nu/t444
  Replies (13) Good night (764) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.

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  (512): well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber. http://tfl.nu/rkm3
  Replies (3) Good night (1431) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.

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  (603): I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband. http://tfl.nu/f6ah
  Replies (5) Good night (375) Bad night (1456)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.

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  (501): I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho. http://tfl.nu/d92o
  Replies (16) Good night (1232) Bad night (438)
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  (831): View more from California

  Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline

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  (831): Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline http://tfl.nu/8i35
  Replies (9) Good night (376) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.

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  (314): Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night. http://tfl.nu/wauu
  Replies (5) Good night (341) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt

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