He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.