Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?

  (1-323): View more from California

  We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?

  (323): View more from California

  Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.

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  (323): Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender? (1-323): We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out? (323): Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture. http://tfl.nu/sr23
  Replies (44) Good night (1596) Bad night (28618)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?

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  (704): Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane? http://tfl.nu/zikg
  Replies (11) Good night (3503) Bad night (1148)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.

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  (801): She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous. http://tfl.nu/mgxb
  Replies (5) Good night (4689) Bad night (1093)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.

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  (217): There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle. http://tfl.nu/aejf
  Replies (1) Good night (697) Bad night (1365)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

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  (443): There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse. http://tfl.nu/gbkz
  Replies (3) Good night (782) Bad night (1839)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?

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  (314): I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season? http://tfl.nu/6vbo
  Replies (6) Good night (1683) Bad night (660)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  What kind of costume was that supposed to be??

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm an orgasm trader!

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  (202): What kind of costume was that supposed to be?? (1-202): I'm an orgasm trader! http://tfl.nu/kj4e
  Replies (4) Good night (1030) Bad night (423)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.

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  (832): Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only. http://tfl.nu/5mf4
  Replies (4) Good night (781) Bad night (441)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well

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  (+44): The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well http://tfl.nu/us1u
  Replies (2) Good night (648) Bad night (413)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.

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  (651): I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas. http://tfl.nu/rih0
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (314)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.

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  (512): Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them. http://tfl.nu/p5sb
  Replies (0) Good night (850) Bad night (441)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.

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  (618): I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat. http://tfl.nu/8lem
  Replies (2) Good night (839) Bad night (527)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!

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  (718): I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO! http://tfl.nu/huwu
  Replies (4) Good night (560) Bad night (423)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..

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  (479): He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt.. http://tfl.nu/d4cr
  Replies (2) Good night (309) Bad night (582)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records

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  (703): Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records http://tfl.nu/vyxa
  Replies (3) Good night (408) Bad night (178)

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