I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?