Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.