i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Canadian or clown?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....