So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize