it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
