people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
