matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
