I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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