just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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