So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
