Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
