I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
