I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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