I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
