I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
