I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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