Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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