he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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