he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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