He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
