I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
