Can Purell be used as lube?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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