She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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