So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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