why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
