If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
