shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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