she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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