She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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