He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
