I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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