Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize