omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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