I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
