is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
are you so shy because you have an std?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
