Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
