this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
