now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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