i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
