dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
