And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
