I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
