you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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