Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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