I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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