What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
