literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
