the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drunk is not a location!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
