Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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