I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
