new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
