STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
